A month of being

StephBlog
StephBlog

Sometimes all you need is space.

Space to reflect.

Space to work through something.

Space to explore.

Ei has allowed me this space. Through the year-long framework of apprenticeships and meetups, I have a container in which to experiment, learn, grow, and iterate.

The past month has been one of taking things slow – appreciating nature, introspection, quality time with a few people who really matter to me, quality time with myself, meditation, nomadism, healing, and making peace with uncertainty and loss.

While I am deeply thankful for the past few weeks, and feel good about how the time has nourished me, there is a simultaneous pressure to have something to show for it. This pressure to be productive can be so relentless and demanding. I struggle to think of some way to articulate, present, quantify, justify – when I know very well in my heart that I have nothing to prove. A lot of this anxiety comes from the fact that we as a society tend to focus on doing rather than being. But we are human beings, and we can be enough as we are.

These recent days of quiet have made me stronger, more whole. I know I’ve grown tremendously in this time. How do I make this invisible transformation a little less invisible?

I feel it, with every step I take, every genuine smile I share, every moment looking through new eyes and a refreshed perspective.

It shows in my willingness to share just a little more than I used to. There are familiar stopping points in the stories we tell, lines we draw, and I don’t always stop there anymore. Sometimes I continue. What a sigh of relief, to let go of something that you’ve carried for so long, to show your truth to someone without knowing how they’ll react. People can be surprising.

I have learned how to bring my true self to my friendships, to open up, to be authentic and real and vulnerable.

Even in stillness, life continuously provides us with opportunities to learn and grow. Taking the last few weeks to focus on being, rather than doing, has given me valuable space to contemplate and make sense of my year. I am grateful to have a deeper understanding of my experiences and challenges, and a renewed spirit to continue my learning, in all of its forms.

Slow down, human being. It’s okay to just be.

Wishing you all the space that you need,

Stephanie